the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
