Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
