i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
