Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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