she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I can't put those talents on a resume
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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