porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Randomize
