life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
