I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
