I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
