I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
