I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
