i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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