8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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