i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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