Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
