I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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