sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Randomize
