I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
