dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize