i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
