the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
