you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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