you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
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