The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
