If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
ugly people sure do ruin things
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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