Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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