i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
