The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
