i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
