Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
