wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
