first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
