Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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