The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Let's paint friendship bongs
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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