im six kinds of drunk right now
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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