I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
