I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
