I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
my being single is dangerous.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize