8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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