Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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