so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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