Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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