I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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