I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
