i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i was born a porn star she said
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Four minutes until I can fart!
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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