so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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