theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize