I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
