Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
