Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
No more Irish car bombs ever.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
