he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Randomize
