This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
