You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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