So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
