Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
