Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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