oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
