Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I don't want my vagina anymore.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
