i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
No...this little piggys going to the bar
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
