Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
