Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
