so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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