you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
