At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
