The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
