btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
