a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
