Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
