i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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