Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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