Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
