How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize