If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
