i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
