I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
