Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
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