I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i was born a porn star she said
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
