he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
