I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
