shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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