I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
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