I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
