dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
