I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize