I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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