You smell like stripper and shame
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
