Will you blow on my dice?
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
