I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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