Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
