the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
