i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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