Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
